In denial

Refusal or unwillingness to accept reality is the definition of denial? Are you in denial? Let’s look further.

If you’re easily offended, don’t read the rest.
Denial is a coping mechanism that gives you time to adjust to distressing situations — but staying in denial can interfere with treatment or your ability to tackle challenges. An example of someone who is in denial is a woman who cannot cope with and won’t admit that her man has left her and vice versa.
If you have been effed over by a ‘good’ guy, maybe just maybe he wasn’t a good guy? Get over it, there’s plenty more fish in the sea as they say. But don’t deny your blessings because of ONE individual.
It’s absolutely crazy how one experiences within a relationship, changes someone so much that they completely lose themselves. It’s so worrying that you allow someone to have that power over you. Denying your future happiness because of your past is ridiculous.
Most times, it is easy to deny the truth when it hurts. Denial means trying to hold on to your own perceptions of reality, when in fact, you are avoiding the painful truth (cheap blog plug) — like how gamblers, drinkers, or Anorexics are in such denial of their problem that they don’t seek medical help.

Denial may be the biggest way we lie to ourselves. While it can help, we often do more harm than good. It can also be looked at as a form of “avoidance”, which is another psychological term that indicates a person is doing all they can to not deal with a given situation.

However, Denial Can Be Healthy
Everyone engages in denial at one point or another.  It’s a normal way of protecting the egos that can get us through tough situations. Without it, we’d probably blindly accept the pain our bodies make when we’re tired and don’t want to finish a workout instead of ignoring the fact that fatigue is calling out his name.





How to Recognize and Address Denial

Pay Attention to Recurring Negative Themes

Recurring negative themes are good red flags for denial. Chances are that we are either creating an environment that is conducive to the negative outcome we don’t want or fooling ourselves into thinking that we have control over a situation that we really are helpless to affect. If you see a recurring theme, know that you’re probably denying the truth.

Don’t Blame Groups of People

(Women are trash)

If you find yourself saying things like “all [insert adjective here] people are no good/trash,” then you’re probably denying your role in a situation. It’s highly unlikely that everyone else in the world is colluding against you so you’re probably doing something to contribute to the negative outcome you’re whining about.




Take note whenever you use (e.g. ‘always’, ‘never’, ‘every’, ‘nobody’, etc.) to describe what you think is the cause of your dilemma because it’s probably those occasions that you need to take a long look at YOUR behaviors… after all, the one common thread in all of your so-called problems is YOU.

Consult Different Thinkers

Having someone who challenges your opinions and assumptions can do wonders for learning what questions you have to ask yourself about a given situation because they are probably going to question why you feel the way you do. In other words, if you’re a liberal-leaning person then it may be a good idea to keep your conservative friend on speed dial. I would like to think I am that friend tbh.




Remember that denial is normal and we all engage in it. If we keep finding ourselves in the same negative situation and clueless as to why then we are probably in denial about something. Look for the red flags and question your assumptions and hopefully, you’ll break a negative cycle. Thus, denial doesn’t always mean we don’t see there’s a problem. We might rationalize, excuse, or minimize its significance or effect upon us.

Other types of denial are forgetting, outright lying, or contradicting the facts due to self-deception. Deeper still, we may repress things that are too painful to remember or think about


Head spinning yet?


You might be wondering how to tell if you’re in denial. There are actually signs. Do you:

  • Think about how you wish things would be in your relationship?
  • Wonder, “If only, he (or she) would. .?”
  • Doubt or dismiss your feelings?
  • Believe repeated broken assurances?
  • Conceal embarrassing aspects of your relationship?
  • Hoping it will change someone else?
  • Spend years waiting for your relationship to improve or someone to change?
If you don’t agree with anything I said in the above, maybe you’re in denial 👀 
Let’s look into changing this mindset for 2018
Happy New Year!

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