Fears are like annoying family members, you can’t really avoid and ignoring them won’t stop them being at parties/events.
They’ll be right next to you and ready to make small talk with you when you’re least expecting. So you better figure out how to confront them before it’s too late!
Fear is a behaviour, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. It’s a powerful human emotion and a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with a release of chemicals that causes the heart to beat fast faster and your breathing to change pace. It could be heights, snakes and even making a plunge and tell somebody you like them! Fear alerts us to danger and it’s divided into biochemical and emotional stages. The former being universal and the latter is highly individualised. However, to the person, the danger feels real because the fear is so very strong. This potential could cause physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, hot flushes and sensation of butterflies in the stomach. So having a fear can interfere with normal activities. If you let it stop you, your stage fright gets bigger and more powerful.
Here are some of my favourite quotes on fear;
“Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back.”
“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”
A: Accept the anxiety but don’t try to fight it.
W: Watch the anxiety and scale your level of fear and start to breathe longer
A: ‘Act normally’. …
R: Repeat the above steps in your mind if necessary.
E: Expect the best.
Nothing wrong with being AWARE of the worst-case scenario but it shouldn’t affect you to the point you’re stressing about it. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right. Bottom line, whatever you picture as your fear, push past the worst-case scenario to a safe conclusion. You’ll feel better prepared to handle the worst (which, by the way, will likely never happen.)
Whatever your brain is attacking you into believing, get it out of your head onto paper. After a few hours or even days, go back and look at what you wrote. Looking at them after a short while might occur to how melodramatic there actually are.
Next, write a rebuttal to your fear. (Note: the first time you try this, you may struggle to think of something, but keep trying). However, if you can’t bear to face your “I suck” fears, or you can’t think of any evidence to the contrary, take your notebook to a friend or family member you trust. He or she will help you re-examine those fears and I guarantee you’ll discover they’re not as strong as you think.
First, write down what you’re afraid of.
- “I’ll be single forever”
- “Going abroad alone”
- “I’ve wasted my life.”
- “He or she won’t be interested in me”
Talking of this, below is what relationship blogger, TinzRant thinks regarding women making the first move in regards to dating. As I feel women have this fear that they shouldn’t do it and not normal but Tinz will break that down for you!
“In society it is considered the norm for a man to make the first move on a woman, whether it be expressing his interest in her or simply initiating a conversation. The 21st century is the time to break stereotypes, and with woman in particular striving for equality in all aspects it is still very much apparent that many are under the impression that the man is supposed to court the woman.
Tradition plays a huge role in shaping both women and men’s perceptions in regards to making the first move; the fact that men are considered to be the masculine gender that should take the lead definitely influences individual’s mind-sets.
However this could of course be down to a person’s preference, additionally there are certainly other factors that contribute to a woman not wanting to make the first move, fear being one that stands out.
She’s too upfront
When a woman makes a move on a man she is sometimes referred to as forward and to up for it, which I believe is a reason women refrain from making the first move on the opposite sex. Although an immature man can consider you approaching him as forward, most would see it as both bold and confident. He will respect the fact that you was not afraid to initiate conversation with him and go for what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you.
Fear of rejection
No one likes the idea of being rejected in any aspect of life, so it is perfectly normal for a woman to be scared of how her interest in a man will be reciprocated. The fact that society sees men as the initiators means that women’s fear is heightened. She not only feels that she should not be doing the courting anyway, but she is also afraid of being rejected.
Always bear in mind that men also face the fear of rejection but are still expected to make the first move. “Learn to see rejection as proof that you’re brave enough to take on risks.”
Individuals love to throw out comments such as ‘she’s so desperate she moved to him’ .This is the type of comment that causes a woman to question her decision to make a move on a man.
A woman being called desperate because she finds a man attractive and wants to talk to him further is just out of context. If she was for instance told by a man he was not interested on several occasions but still attempted to pursue him I could understand the use of that word. However simply beginning a conversation and showing interest in a guy is not desperate.
They don’t know how to
Many women may not know how to approach a man due to it being something that is new to them. This could lead to them overthinking what to say and how they will act in this scenario.
A woman should just be herself, not aggressive or out of character. She should just allow her personality to shine through, as first impressions say a lot about a person.
To conclude, as individuals we all have expectations, one being that a man should make the first move on the woman. However although this is a preference for myself included it could result in you missing out on the opportunity of meeting a great man. You can assume that a man will know you’re interested in him and therefore will make the first move, however this is not always the case as a man may not notice your advances.
Fear is dominating in this topic as it is what stops many from going for what they want, not only in this instance but in many aspects of life. The worst outcome you will get is NO I am not interested, but is it really the end of the world?
The quote “train your mind to see the good in every situation” comes to mind when discussing this topic. Many will say he said no and will feel both rejection and embarrassment instead of thinking maybe he just wasn’t for me and that’s fine. Not everyone you are interested in will reciprocate it and when we begin to understand this life will flow more smoothly and social stereotypes won’t hinder us from going for what we want”
Break your fear into smaller pieces
You don’t have to jump in with both feet. Facing fears means starting small. Plan a tiny, more manageable snack-sized goal. If you’re not going to accomplish your snack-sized goal, you haven’t gone small enough. Shrink it. When that knot in your stomach starts to unfurl, you’ve gone small enough.
Then, after you’ve accomplished your goal, pat yourself on the back and go a little bigger. The goal of facing your fear is not to change your personality; instead, it’s to help you be more flexible and more comfortable being yourself. With practice and time, you’ll rewire your own brain’s thoughts, too. And here’s the thing: in the moment, you won’t notice the transformation. Instead, you’ll look back and realise how far you’ve come. You’ll find yourself doing whatever it is you were afraid of without thinking. And that’s when you’ll know all those butterflies in your stomach have flown away.
So in short, this what you can do with your fears;
- Write them down
- Yell at Them
- Laugh at Them
- Talk About Them
- Scare Them Away
- Harness Them
- Interrogate Them
- Bully Them
- Free Them
Now get those fears and open up a different side to you because there’s is no such thing as fear. It’s only other people’s limitations pushed on to you. They can’t do it but you guess what YOU can.
Thanks to Tinz for her contribution to this blog! Make sure you check out her brilliant site on relationships @ tinzrant.com.