First thing first!
I can’t believe how many people didn’t read my last blog to the end! It was actually quite disturbing and I am disappointed but hopefully, it’s a lesson learned that you have to take things in fully before jumping to conclusions!
Not just on my site but in life in general.
Thanks to all who messaged me about the blog. It shows how much of an impact I have made with certain people, so thank you :-*
Below are a few of my favourite reactions;
Lemme not even post the really nice messages from those who actually didn’t read the blog completely or misread the message. You know who you are! LOL. The phone calls as well! It was all too much but I appreciate the love!
Nevertheless, let’s kick off the year with a banger! I want to talk about this topic because I am sure we all can relate, so let’s open up the debate!
But this topic has to be the dumbest thing ever invented. But I am seeing this more and more recently. I am baffled! God forbid, I ever get with anyone who still has ties with their ex’s! Can you imagine!
Can you ever be friends with your ex?
In most relationships, there may be a time to say goodbye, it didn’t work out for whatever reason. You don’t want to let go but he/she has mentally moved on. If your soon-to-be-ex ever says “It’s not you, it’s me”
With your ex, you’ve shared memories that will either make you laugh and/or cry, and it’s time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on. But somewhere on the road of parting ways, couples feel the need to promise to stay friends — which ultimately leads to more broken promises. It’s their way to ensure they still have a hold over you because they know you’ll be dumb enough to stay put and kinda, wait for them to come good! NO!!! You’re better than that, if they want to leave, let them! They had their chance!
It gives the dumper the comfort of knowing they’re aren’t ‘this bad person‘ by wanting to remain friends! The person who got dumped, however, will have that pain of still having to see their ex’s name come up on their phone and thinking “maybe they’ll come back to me”.
Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup for weeks, months even years! It’s never easy to break up with someone you’ve shared good/bad times with (they were still times).
Leaving the past behind is hard enough and I know for a fact you don’t want to be constantly reminded of the ‘good times with your ex’ especially when they don’t give a damn about you! Obviously, these messages and these coffee dates don’t last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup! So fucking move on without them! Having the person lingering in your life as a reminder makes it even worse.
Since 99% (random number) of break-ups are one-sided, the other will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other and where there’s bitterness, there’s jealousy. The real talk is that it’s hard to sincerely be happy for your ex when just they’ve just found the new love of their life.
Me? I wish them all the best in their relationships, I have no problems or even care about who they are with! It wasn’t meant to be, I am still living my life!
However, it’s human nature to be jealous or resentful when your ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking their place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful.
But the main reason, I think you shouldn’t be friends with an ex, IMO, I think it’s disrespectful to be in a relationship and having an ex around especially if THEY broke up with you! I don’t want an ex to text me …..
Their friends/family all need to be off my social media, though. Yes, they were probably not directly involved but what is their purpose in seeing me live my life?
Plus, as hard as two ex’s try to stay friends, they can never really confide in each other. How do you tell your ex that you have a new partner? You can’t even tell your ex that the reason you’re smiling so much is that a woman/man has the exact qualities you were looking for!
Remaining friends seems to provide certain people with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life, will still be there and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are, however, we’ll never actually know how they really are.
Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exist. This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new “friendship”, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you’ll end up doing things (you know) for old times sake. This brings you right back to square one — how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.
Imo, it also a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.
In a perfect world, I guess it’d be ideal for ex’s to succeed at being just friends but in one of the parties, the passion, bitterness, jealousy and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, so it’s pretty impossible. Unless the two of you were best friends before, broke upon the same terms in an absolute mutual breakup and have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, you’re better to just leave the friendship behind.
Obviously, if you got a child involved (for example), you don’t have to be ‘friends’, you’ll just to be civil to the point of making it work for your child.
I am not saying you can’t be friends with an ex, as it’s obviously been done and it has worked, however, IMO, there are more negatives than positives having someone around you, who used to be called “your boo”!
So, having considered all this, can you even still be friends with your ex?
If you’re still saying, yes, why? Let me know, I am intrigued to see it from your point of view.