Why does knowing the reason for a break-up matter so much? Let’s talk

1st post of the year? Let’s go!!!!!


Most healthy relationships generally have a good sense of where they stand and where they are heading. When a one-sided break-up occurs, it interrupts the relationship for the person on the receiving end, especially if the break-up was unexpected. IMO, closure is when you and your ex accept that your relationship is over and you both feel a sense of resolution. It can be seen as an important part of getting over an ex and the breakup so you can feel confident starting a new relationship down the road.


Nevertheless. no one can give you closure but yourself!! It’s as simple as that! It’s usually said defeatedly while holding back tears after they’ve explained that their former partner refuses to acknowledge why the relationship ended.


That “situation” is usually one that involves a one-sided break-up where the person ending the relationship has not acted decently, or even ‘fair’ in the aftermath. Usually, responsibility and guilt are shifted onto the other person and he or she refuses to give their former partner closure, causing the rejected party pain and distress. However, without offering proper guidance on how to find closure, it can serve to make things worse. This is because when someone is rejected and refused honest answers about why the relationship ended, they are left depleted of their dignity. Thus, the advice to ‘get your own closure’ infuses the notion that the person who has just been rejected is now responsible for moving past a decision they do not fully understand.


You’ll end up thinking, “What did I do?”, “How could someone I thought I knew so well do this to me?”, “How can I trust myself to make future decisions when my past decisions have caused me so much pain?” and the common one, “I thought you loved me?”


The need for closure exists on a scale – with some more prone to seek it than others. Some people even have a desire to avoid closure at all costs, probably because they don’t want to end up feeling guilty, rejected or criticized by others.


When we are under stress, for example, our need for closure increases. If your partner refuses to give you the closure you’re looking for. Sit down and ask yourself whether the type of person you imagined him or her to be would treat you with such indignity and whether the future you hoped with him included this characteristic. Chances are, your answer is ‘no’, right?


Therefore, you can begin to reconcile the fact that perhaps you imagined your partner to be someone he or she is not and forgive yourself for trusting someone who has hurt you. You may find peace in confronting your ex-partner’s hurtful actions by writing him or her a letter without expecting a response

That’s what I did and I actually sent it (recorded delivery) and still regret that I did that. The 10-page document, pouring out my heart, it was a big waste of time, no real response was given apart from finding out the ‘truth’ which was her cheating weeks later …


Instead, remind yourself the following: Sometimes, things just don’t work out and there is nothing you or your ex-partner could have done. Sometimes, feelings fade; there is no reason for it and there is absolutely nothing you could do to salvage them. It may not be fair, and it will hurt, but that’s fine.


The need for closure doesn’t also just apply to relationships. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, status, or a way of life are other examples of endings. Letting go of something that was once important can be difficult, and many people seek closure in doing that. Nevertheless does it actually help? And can you really expect other people to give you closure?


It is important to remember that you are in charge of your life, even if you get an ex-partner to talk about what went wrong in the relationship, there’s no way of really knowing if they’re being honest. We’ll never the real truth. A good starting point is, however, is to take responsibility for your own actions and interpret those of others as best you can. If someone doesn’t want to communicate with you, that says something as well. Nevertheless, give yourself some time to be sad (however long that may be) and finally learn and move on. Sometimes, things go wrong and although it does not feel fair, and it is very hurtful, life moves on. Instead of looking for closure, just hit that BLOCK button and enjoy your life regardless of how much you loved them. You’re better than that. Close the chapter in your life and go and make so much more positive ones!

Thanks for reading!
Wembley Parks Bobby Moore Bridge illuminated with a Thank You NHS sign

and all the ESSENTIAL WORKERS in this period. Real MVPs


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