I am ready to tell our story…
Black men don’t express their feeling or expressions? Nah, let’s change that narrative on a deep topic like this. There are Black men out there who want to experience real love but it’s hard when we’re constantly fighting with the opposite sex.
This blog, I am just trying to teach women about how to avoid problems that other women have had before them. So I’d imagine that my page comes off as being negative to a lot of women. To be clear, I am not playing the blame game with women, I talk about things that men / I experience with women, so there’s no blaming. It’s much more important to get them to understand why the things they think and do create problems and why the ways they approach dating often doesn’t make sense and decrease the chances of them establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with a quality man.
Nevertheless, I have an opinion on marriage or should I say, the lead up to marriage because a lot of women have this screwed up and I want them to understand from a man’s point of view on what we think.
The more I interact with women and listen to the ways that they process situations with men, the more I realize how much women have in common. It amazes me how so many women can take a basic situation with a man, apply all their women logic and assumptions to it, and magnify something that didn’t exist into a relationship ending. It’s very annoying from a male perspective to overcome a lot of the assumptions women make about you. It’s draining trying to defend yourself against the stuff they make up over and over again. That’s why men find themselves arguing with women about what they think and feel. As if someone can ever tell another person what they think or feel better than the person themselves. But I guarantee you, if you ask men you know in real life if they experience this with women, an overwhelming majority will say, yes. Constantly making assumptions is a relationship-killing behaviour and the women that do it the most, ironically seem to have the worst perspectives and opinions about men.
A woman can be in a relationship with a man for years and will say something crazy like
“If he really wanted to be with me, he would do ___________”
Stop trying to use reverse psychology to get him to do what YOU think a man should do. A man will do whatever, they want to do! You can’t force a man to do anything, no matter how strong or independent you claim to be.
While I am there thinking “If he didn’t really want to be with you, you wouldn’t be approaching xxx years together!” And it’s stuff like that where a woman will interpret something completely wrong and get herself so worked up over it that she’s thinking about ending a relationship where there wasn’t even a serious problem to do deal with. How a woman can take 2+2 and end up with 4000432837,
Any woman who starts off a statement with the words “If a man really loved me, he would” what she is really doing is putting herself in the situation or predicament that the particular male in question was in and viewing the situation from her own female perspective. You have no experience at being a man, so you have no clue what a real would do, period! Just like we don’t know what they should or shouldn’t do in a lot of situations. When women use the “our fathers and uncles showed us better” I mean they’re your blood, of course, they would treat you better. I wouldn’t expect any less from them. But believe me, they had their fun time were were “playing” with women. Furthermore, society was much different back then. Maybe, ask yourself, why men today, act the way they do. Women use those phases to manipulate men, just because your family members do certain things, doesn’t mean what a real man would do and it’s also doesn’t mean, just because they don’t do things the way they do it, doesn’t define you as a man. Women are not meant to understand men until they let go of their expectations of what a man is supposed to be. Those statements are ALWAYS used to benefit themselves anyway.
If I said, I want a woman like my mother, all hell would break loose and I’ll be called a “mommy boy”. A lot of women let the good looks of a man disguise the fuck-boy in him. When you stop measuring features, bank accounts and start watching a character, you will get rid yourself of a lot of this headache.
I know it’s pretty normal for a woman to make a decision based on emotions not logical thinking, even if she has no experience what-so-ever establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship. Ostensibly, the vast majority of women in the dating pool underestimate the significance of a marriage certificate. That’s why such women often end up marrying deadbeats, other male miscreants, or pussyhole men who can’t voice their opinion because they’re scared to open their mouth, to not upset their partner. F that!
It’s so hard to understand how so many women have this idea that it’s okay for them to view anything that differs from what they think or does as negative but want men to completely accept their differences unconditionally. It’s okay to be different, we’re designed differently and fulfill different roles in life. There’s nothing wrong with having different approaches to relationships either. But it’s a problem to judge men for not thinking or acting like women. Especially when we know women do all sorts of things that don’t make sense whatsoever and actually hurt them or prevent them from achieving their goals.
Most couples don’t get married for the right reasons and don’t really do their due diligence to make sure they’re compatible long-term before doing it. The reason, it takes quality men so long to make a decision about marriage is because it’s essentially trusting a woman with his most valuable assets. His home, his children, and his sex life. So he wants to be sure that your mind is right since life doesn’t give us guarantees. So think about what the expectations really are when a man puts a ring on it! Because a lot of women just want a wedding to show off the fact, you’re a bride more than they want to really be wives. That’s why men really can’t afford to have a bad system for determining what wifey material is!
If it takes him 3-5 years to decide that, then so be it, however, there are several reasons why he has potentially waited this long. When I see women saying, that she isn’t waiting for that long to get married, I just want to scream!
This kind of comment, just articulates the shit women assume on their own, that’s why they go viral and women are so willing to treat them as a fact. We know women support and believe anything that reinforces what they already think and feel and most women have a countdown to marriage mentality when it comes to dating! Which is also extremely flawed. People that get years into a relationship and don’t know how their partner feels about marriage and/or starting a family have clearly failed the dating phase. These are the kind of topics that should be talked about regularly WITHOUT THE INTENT OF TRYING TO PRESSURE THE OTHER PERSON. I obviously can’t type all of the legit reasons why someone will want to wait longer than this to get married but I can assure you that there are actually logical.
Can you imagine, leaving a QUALITY man that appears to be a husband/father material over a timeline!!!!! Arggggghhhhhh. With men apparently being so trash, you’re trying to tell me, you will want to start over the dating phase because a man didn’t stick to YOUR flawed timeline. A fucking nonsense timeline!!! This is a major problem, with women that are anxious to get married and settle down. They make the dumbest decisions in the world, trying to force their vision to come true and usually end up failing miserably. So you’re going to cut off this man because he hasn’t proposed according to your timeline which will put you closer to your relationship goal, which is to be a wife?
Mandem, we need to do better and stop messing around with these good women, there’s not a lot out there in 2019. Step up to the plate or keep it moving. It’s not logical to chase a woman if you are capable of getting great women without it. Women will be women, chat shit with each other, and will get themselves worked up by overthinking. But
So if a woman automatically assumes, she could be leaving a relationship with a quality man that does want to eventually marry her, for a dumb reason then that woman (MAY) most likely struggle with relationships going forward. Soley because women date with getting married as their sole purpose, which usually disrupts the natural dating phase with everyone they meet, like and actually prevents things from developing to that point. I don’t think how long you dated or waited to pop the question has anything to do with the marriage lasting … people change over time. But the stronger foundation between the pair will help! If I have to prolong getting the ring to make sure the foundation is strong then so be it, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I am only looking to get married once. If I have to call you my “girlfriend” for an extra year to make sure we have a long-lasting marriage then that’s what I will do. Sorry, not sorry.
Marriage is a bond between a man and a woman. Same connection, you have with your kids, your parents, and your family. For me, it’ll take more than bedroom tricks to make me fall in love and commit. It starts with knowing how to listen, be a pleasant person, and giving me the kind of peace that I can’t find in this world. I am not settling down with anyone who thinks the family time isn’t important. Obviously, this is personal preference but if my house is not one of peace, I will find that somewhere else and everything will come hand-in-hand.
Women want to be independent and self-sufficient until they get in a relationship then it’s all on the man. They feel if the man not doing all of the above, he’s not a real man. Based on the women, I’ve talked to there isn’t even a consistent definition of real men used among women. I wrote a whole post on that “ACT LIKE A MAN” Women seem to get tunnel vision when they are addressing and classifying men because they often overlook very vital characteristics that some men have but get absolutely no credit for. With that being said, most women who say those things have this idea that a man should be a certain way based on what another man told her, or some idea of how she wants him to act. Which is bullshit! If you think about it because no two women want their man to act the same. So imagine, all these women telling different men how a man should be.
Educated women are usually overpowering (not a bad thing, I like that) but they do not allow a man to be a man in the relationship. She usually has an “I don’t need a man” type of attitude and will often challenge her man on things and be very difficult to get to listen to anything she perceives to be criticism. That, I don’t need a man mentality will make her always break up with men over stupid stuff and she will usually end relationships before they even develop to the point where marriage is a consideration.
I believe a woman’s role in the relationship is to uplift, inspire, support, pray for, believe in, and encourage their men. What if this man falls on hard times? You going to leave because he can’t support you? What have you done to make sure he doesn’t fall off? Exactly! Nothing! Do you see men leaving, good women who are going through hard times!? Because you feel if he is a real man, he doesn’t need help, right? Is it because you believe you’re supposed to do is push the kids out and then that’s it?
Women are their worst enemies when it comes to healthy relationships. Take accountability for your flaws and you’ll improve your dating experiences which will lead to marriage with the right person.
This whole “Never settle” bullshit needs to stop as well, it just sounds like you’re not compatible. If you want certain realistic things in your life and you try and find this within someone who doesn’t want that, it’s not settling, you’ve failed the dating stage.
BTW, IF YOU DO NOT WANT KIDS, PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME. I AM NOT THE MAN FOR YOU! I AM A FAMILY MAN AND I WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS I CAN WITH MY KIDS! NO JOB WILL NOT KEEP ME AWAY FROM MY WIFE AND CHILDREN! NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A CAREER THAT PAYS WELL BUT IF IT INVOLVES STAYING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY FOR TOO LONG. IT’S NOT THE JOB FOR ME.
Your job isn’t going to ask you, how your marriage is going or how your kids are regardless of how much money you make to somewhat ‘provide for them’. One of my worst fears in this life is having to raise a child alone and not be together with his/her mother. Which is why I respect single parents (men and women), they’re legends.
You’ll find a lot of good-looking people damaged inside because of their past and you won’t realize, how damaged they are until you try and love them. If you think a person’s past doesn’t affect how they see life, you’re sadly mistaken. You see all of these women/men out here without basic morals. Also, please do not bring your past relationships into your current one! Furthermore, stop comparing how your ex used to treat you. If he treated that well, why aren’t you still with him? If you haven’t recovered from a ‘fuck boy’ not treating you out, don’t open yourself for someone, who is willing to do anything for you.
*Disclaimer, I am not married, I do eventually, once I find that special someone*
Great In-depth & in sight read indeed!!
Thank you so much for reading! Really apprecicate it.
Most welcome! HAPPY 2019 & GOD BLESS
Wow. I love your honesty. Some great content
Thank you so much for reading! 😊
As a woman who ended a passionate relationship because it had been two years and I was worried about marriage….I’m glad to read your thoughts…Thanks.
Thank you so much for reading
LikeLiked by 1 person
What an interesting read.
I believe, understand and agree with most of what you say but I think there is a bigger problem in the current dating climate (which thank God I was never part of/don’t have to fully understand)
People are not intentional in the early stages of thier courtship because they dont have to be.
Why couldn’t people actually look for someone and take time, concentrate on just that person – analyse them in their entirety and make decisions quickly. Quickly is doesnt meant 6 months, doesnt mean a year or even 2! It just means CONCENTRATE on that person to make sure it’s what you want. With so much option and promiscuity amongst both sexes its difficult to do that in this day and age it takes a real man to generate that energy to one person to really study them to see what they want. In my opinion if a man is hesitant and spending years doing that- he kinda knows there’s something more he wants or theres something not worth “settling” for. Its not a bad thing “it is what it is”.