Hello Hi, top of morning/afternoon/evening to ya!
1st thing first, this is not my current feeling(s). I was cleaning out of my hard drive and came across this word document I had written ages ago. I wasn’t even going to release it but I thought
“R’n’B singers make hit songs about displaying their feelings so I thought, let’s make it a hit blog;
Below is my initial thoughts that I went through. I was actually meant to send this to her but she didn’t deserve to hear from me again, so now it’s a blog! It’s quite raw but it was my exact feelings at the time and this is why I’ll NEVER cheat. Knowing that someone is feeling like this, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night let alone go about my life normally. Cheaters are one of the scummiest people on this earth and I will happily shout that to the day I die! #saynotocheaters. Repent, beg for forgiveness, do what you want to claim to be a good person now. But you’re still a jezebel, you’ll forever have that title. I am a big firm believer of karma, so I don’t have to say too much.
“We can’t be together anymore, I don’t want to go to hell, I want my children to be Christians and us to be a family going to church every Saturday. I still want to be friends”
How could you? At first, I was like “Alright, you want to leave me for your faith? That’s fine! It didn’t make sense but fine! But we had 6 years FFS”
That ring, the necklace, those earrings, all mine! How could you sleep in their bed? Was it even a bed?!? Who was it? Your church guys? Workmates, Random guys on road!?! Was it worth it!? Are you going to be with them now? I am not even going to be mad at these guys. Why wouldn’t they sleep with you, if you’re openly inviting them in?
“You weren’t around, I was on holiday and knew I would get away with it, he was saying all the right things like; how beautiful I was etc”
Do you not realise most guys will say that to get you to
“I know but I have a problem, I love the male attention”
You actually didn’t give a fuck that I held you down and making sure you were good. Look what you did? I wonder if ever did love me, missing me or even mentioned me! Did I really hurt you that bad for you to cheat more than once? What exactly did I do wrong? Regardless of what I supposedly did or didn’t do, I didn’t deserve this!
I should have known it was someone else, it was so obvious. Didn’t expect it to be multiple guys, though. It’s crazy how the pain hit me like that. You obviously didn’t understand that you had a decent guy at your disposal, who was really there for you. But you didn’t give a fuck about that, did you? All you care about is yourself, that’s crazy and overwhelming.
I can’t cry even though they’re tears behind my eyes. I thought you were focused on yourself? I guess you weren’t lying eh? You really just going to throw away all the time we spent? All the places we’ve been, my lover, partner and friend? Damn, it really hit home.
So I gave 80 and you gave 20 in this relationship? It’s sad and you don’t care? Do you know how selfish that is? That shit ain’t right at all. The way you treated me, I would NEVER have done that. I don’t know what your problem is! But I hope you get that shit sorted as you really need to fix it because you’re really going to lose people who really give a fuck about you! You really have done me over, you did a number on me. Well done! You know damn well, how much I hated cheaters.
“Jason, have you ever cheated on me?”
Who’d have thought, those questions were because of YOUR guilt!
“No, don’t be stupid but if you ever cheat on me, you’d be a damn fool because do you know how many women would die for someone like me?”
I used to say that all the time to you. So subconsciously I must have been thinking you were doing this right? Why else would I constantly say it? Yeah, we used to argue about dumb shit, but who doesn’t. I thought we wiped the slate clean? That’s fucked up! You cheated and with at LEAST 3 guys.
“I will never cheat, I’d rather leave before I do that”
You had the cheek to always respond with that. You fantastic fool.
All the years, I invested in you. Was it a big joke? You didn’t love them, did you?
Fuck you! You obviously didn’t, why else would you do what you did. Stay the fuck away from me, don’t contact me. If I see you, I will spit in your face! I hate you! I swear to God, I hate you. I loved you. How the fuck could you do this to me? You did this to us. Take you back?
I am guessing because the other guys had left you in the gutter, you thought you could come running back to me. Dickhead! Let’s get this straight, you were never a great partner, just a great actress. You don’t deserve my praise, you deserve an Oscar. I’m no longer with you, so you’re no longer my issue. You did it, it’s your fault! I should’ve known better when you started acting weird and all the signs I was receiving! We could’ve had a house, a great wedding and beautiful kids. It was meant to be just us, nobody else! Well, that was my dream, obviously not yours!
You’re lucky we were in Canary Wharf when you told me what you’ve been doing, anywhere else I probably would have grabbed you by your throat and be like;
“Breathe bitch breathe! Breathe! Bitch breathe!! BREAAATTTHHHEEEE!!!!”
I could really have fucked up my life if I did do that. But guess what? Don’t worry about me (like you ever did anyway). I’ll be fine. So I thank you for telling me the truth because I can now move on and give my love to someone who fully deserves it! I hope the next one is truly down for you. Because I am not willing to drown for you!