I’ve been rejected all my life! But guess what? I am still breathing and other options open up because someone didn’t see what I can bring to the table. I thrive on rejection!
Disclaimer, I am not just talking about relationship rejections but all rejections we experience in life.
You’ve experienced it. I’ve experienced it. Everyone has. Yet every time it happens, we’re reminded again how crazy it is to be rejected. We’re all sensitive to rejection (to a point). So when people feel bad or have other things go wrong in their lives, they may be even more vulnerable to rejection. I’ve found that people whose self-esteem is lower will experience rejection as more painful and it’ll take them a little longer to get over it. However, those who have higher self-esteem, tend to be more resilient and take it easier in their stride.
Rejection can happen anytime, involving social, romantic, and job situations alike. It feels terrible because it communicates the sense to somebody that they’re not wanted or not in some way valued! The more people learn to expect rejection and become concerned about it, the more sensitive they are to it — which can eventually lead to self-rejection.
It can make you feel bad about yourself, and it makes you feel like nobody wants to be around you. I know that rejection can really hurt nevertheless, they can also inflict damage to our psychological well-being that goes well beyond mere emotional pain. To treat this, we must address each of our psychological wounds (i.e., soothe the pain, reduce our anger and aggression, protect our self-esteem, and stabilize our need to belong).
The best way to restore motivation, confidence, motivation, and more importantly self-esteem after a rejection is to use self-affirmations techniques to remind us of our actual skills and abilities.
What I do is make a list of qualities I have and write a brief essay about one of them. By writing a couple of paragraphs about one of our strengths, I remind myself of what I have to offer and revive my self-esteem.
Getting rejected also destabilizes our ‘need to belong,’ which is why we often feel so unsettled and restless after romantic or social rejection. Our need to ‘belong’ dates back to our days of living with our families, when being away from home was always dangerous and sitting among them was a source of comfort.
One way to settle ourselves after a rejection is to reach out to our core group, friends, colleagues, or family members—to get emotional support from them and remind ourselves we’re valued!
Let’s look at romantic rejections, when that person you like, doesn’t feel the same we tend to look at the fault in ourselves, bemoaning all our inadequacies, kicking ourselves when we’re already down, and smacking our self-esteem into a cloud of dust. Most romantic rejections are a matter of poor fit (apparently), a lack of chemistry, incompatible lifestyles, wanting different things at different times, or other such issues of mutual dynamics. Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover emotionally. But before you rush to blame yourself for…blaming yourself, keep in mind,
If they couldn’t see what you can bring to the table then f’ em!
I always look back to one particular time that I was rejected. A few years ago, I approached my manager at the time I asked to be part of the management team. He said, “Jason, I am sorry but you’ll never be ready”. I took that to heart, so I decided to leave ASAP. Literally two weeks later, I got an offer at another job. Fast forward a few years and if you’re reading this before 4th August 2017, I am currently still at that company at a manager’s conference in Berlin with 100 other managers from around Europe. Have the faith, everything happens for a reason. If I had listened to the previous manager, I would have felt so stupid because of what I have been able to achieve.
There are two ways to beat rejection:
- Not letting it bother you in the first place, and then minimizing its effects after it’s wreaked its havoc.
- Show that when you do that and remind yourself of your worth, then you are more resilient to rejection that comes thereafter.
As I said at the top, I thrive on rejection. If you reject me, I actually laugh about it because it just means I know something better is coming, it might take a while to get there but I will with or without them! Keep rejecting me, I lav it! *punches air*
Next blog, BIRTHDAY SPECIAL! 👀